Life Is Beautiful - 12

The victory smiles, shouting gestures and happy time were just short lived. The success story ended in such a short span when I just read it properly – it was the ‘mailer demon’ notification. I could not find any reasons why her mail id was invalid. I felt some typo error would have occurred and just checked it with the diary which perfectly matched the address what I sent.

“May be she is yet to create that mail id. All she wanted is just to fill that diary when and where I missed her. I just want to do that!” I copied the whole of what I have typed last night into the diary’s first page (what else engineers do other than this!! ;)). It was quite easy task for the first day as I had a topic ‘New Year’ to write about. But for the very next day, I could not find anything to write about.

Later, I found an idea to write about what all the things I wanted to share with her. I wanted to say about my mom, dad, friends and my Aaradhana. The usage of ‘my’ for only one among all was little one-sided (no pun here too! :P)  but I couldn’t help it though. It was a one page story for my mom and dad, a few pages for my friends and I took till June to complete writing about Aaradhana (God Must Be Crazy Series! :P). That was the only work I did in the months holiday.

The final year of my college commenced. The class had many people of the same kind – don’t care whatever happens, some peculiar people – who want to work for the placements and one most peculiar guy – who wants nothing other than having a conversation with Priya. He talked hours but never with a reason nor with a cause. Every one sighed a bit with the ever changing behaviour but still the awkward of all.

A girl has lot more than what we call attitude while talking to a guy. Classroom chit chats – it’s I know you attitude, online chatting – ‘he looks cool’ attitude, messaging – ‘confusion’ attitude, call – ‘confirm’ attitude. I knew her mobile number but I never got the courage to text her. We were long lasted in ‘he looks cool’ part but it turned to ‘confusion’ when I just took my mobile nearing the fag end of my VII semester.

My first message “Hi… this is Balakumaran. Hope you know ;)” I was pretty confident that she will never mistake me and was waiting for a reply for more than an hour. It felt like a day for me waiting for just an hour. It may be coz of any reason, no balance, no booster, mom took that with her, mobile was in charging, my keypad was faulty, dint notice your message and so on! I wonder how girls have their own reasons when they don’t reply.

I really don’t want to reply for my message appropriately but could at least say any one of the branded ‘girl’ reasons! I dint talk to her in college and she was not interested either. She was normal and she acted as if nothing special has happened. “Did her dad saw my message?” Nothing was wrong in that message and why should I really worry. We both were very good friends and she was a kind of girl who would have shared everything with her mom and dad.

With all those thoughts I could never sleep off. I even prepared myself to speak her the next morning about the message what I sent. It was nearly early morning when I succeeded to sleep. Within two little hours my sleep was disturbed with a thought and I just checked the time in my mobile which showed 5.47 AM. Thinking of the regular day again with 13 more minutes of sleep, I checked my inbox which had 14 unread messages. “The twitter guys and Google guys never sleep” I sighed and marked all to be read. When I just tried to get up from my bed, my mobile blinked again with ‘1 message received’. It was from an unknown number.

“Hi… Good Morning.

I have changed my SIM. Don’t text to my old number. This is my new number.

Have a great day :)!”

-Aaradhana

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 11

Hi Bala,

I don’t remember writing a letter to anyone and so I don’t know how to start with or end it up. I just wanted to say I would certainly miss you so much in these holidays and I think you would miss me too. But I don’t want you to miss me, so I have written ‘Good Morning’ for all the 30 days and leaving the pages empty henceforth. You just fill it up only those dates you miss me and give it to me on the first day in our final year. Keep in touch. priyayours07@gmail.com

Yours

Priya

I was quite happy with that last line rather the filling up process for 30 days. It was as simple for me to give a chat request for the mail id. There would certainly be no home without an internet connection and so I thought we could develop through our friendship within this one month time. I opened my mail box every morning cheerfully but ended up little sad without any response. I usually run my mouse cursor over her name in my chat box. It would say “priyayours07@gmail.com - Invited”

I was little worried for the first few days. I don’t have any other means to contact her too. Sometimes I think, “Why do I need to contact her? Why do I often feel like talking to her? Am I doing anything wrong? I do certainly not love her. But sometimes I feel stupid missing her. Why is that so? Is she that much special?” May be she is the only one I know in my class now. I don’t have anyone to wish, share and care.

It was New-year eve and if I were in my old college I would have certainly be engaged myself with a small party with my friends. Here I have no one and my dad was out of town too. I was sitting all alone with my system. I could read mails – but I have no one to send one, I was available online in chat – but no one to ping! All those social networks were filled with New-year wishes but I was not satisfied even with a single one. Nothing seems special like a wish from the expected ones but in an unexpected way. Even if she is not interested to wish or accept the request, I can do it!

Started typing a mail for the New-year,

Hi Priya,

Guess you were busy with your own friends, party and stuffs. I don’t want to disturb or take away those fun filled moments from you. Just a simple wish for the New-year you can add this along with your long tail of wishes. Even I had many wishes but nothing seemed so special. May be I am waiting for a special one on this special occasion.

With love forever,
Bala

I completed typing but was waiting very eagerly to click the ‘send’ button exactly when my hall clock tongs the 12MN for the New-Year. I have never wished anyone so far but had nearly 5 to 10 calls missed every New-Year. I thought I lost most people just for my sleep and wondered now what if I have taken up those calls or at least replied them back in morning. This part is called ‘regretting’ and I was sure that Priya will feel the same for the next New-Year! I was little tired of waiting and so fell asleep very soon.

The next morning my first thought was to open the mail box and look for any mails. I was much happy with the preview inbox which showed there was one unread mail in my mail box!

“I started this New Year with a success story and I am happy to the core!” I even thought of shouting and say to this whole world I am happy again!

 

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 10

That was the very first conversation I could ever remember with anyone in my college now. Not so meaningful but it would stay sweetest ever. The best part with a girl is that when she loves to continue talking, she does perfectly even if the guy neglects or avoids. But I dint neglect or avoid either!

A month later,

A usual Monday but this time a little excitement filled with eyes that made my chin straight up to face the door. I was sitting all alone still but my eyes much concentrating towards the door. It would be an unusual sight for anyone before a month but most got used to it now. She just entered with a trademark smile and a special ‘Good Morning’ kind of thing with her eyes. It was her practice I thought when she did that for the first time, later I came to know it was just for very few – in fact only for me. I don’t know how to reply for that but would smile a little for her gesture. I was little happy but without reasons again.

People in my class changed their opinion about me that I cannot even smile a little within few days of our acquaintanceship. I know nothing about her excepting her name and I still don’t want to get too much into it.

Another month later,

Yet another Monday – I was sitting all alone. I was practicing myself to talk to her. Though it could be as simple as a reply ‘Good Morning’ – it’s tougher for the first time! We slowly developed to wish each other even with crowd thereafter. She would bid me bye with a sweet smile every evening and that was the only reason ahead of internals for my attendance!

It was the University Exams time and now ‘all the best’ would be the best choice of greeting every morning and post examination session would start with a conversation, “how was your exam?” My reply would be “Yeah. I did well” I even studied and performed well just not to lie to her.

December 28, 2009

It was the last exam day, it all started well with the all the best and the exams went well as usual. I prepared myself to answer her with some different words with the same meaning. I was searching all alone in my known English words and could find

“Hmmm… It was great and how about yours”

“Paper was bit easy and I did well”

“First you say… How did you do? Centum?”

I was little bit happy that I could get some replaceable conversations for the same situation. She came out of the exam hall and I was waiting for her to ask me the usual question. But she seemed not interested and was little worried. I could sense that from her dried up eyes but was stranded amidst the crowd helpless. The whole of charm was missing from her face and I could not guess the reason till she opened up and said, “we could meet only after a month na? It’s little tough na?” and she showed my bag and instructed to see it. There was a diary in my bag and certainly there would be something written in it I guessed.

I was not prepared for her question but got hold of that diary. I tried to smile a little but could not and she walked away. I slowly opened up the diary and it read,

 

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 09

I was having my meal in my table while most others would love to have it under a neem tree shade. Guys would certainly love to roam in the corridors and pathway between the hostel block and classrooms block. Everything was usual but there was one more soul left in the class having its meal. It was Priya. (I won’t let my readers make a wrong guess!!)

She was the most social kind I could ever see in my class but it was an unusual stuff for her to stay back alone. I don’t want to make odd guesses and make myself wrong. I don’t want to ask her either why she is back alone coz if she asks me the same I don’t have any valid answer to say!

I continued my meal and then just walked up to the class notice board to have a look at the time table. The class here was not same as I had in my previous college. Here we have three seated benches. I usually have two more sitting with me in my two seated benches earlier, but now I have enough space for them but I could just fill it with those memories when I sit all alone here.

It was still 15 minutes before bell and no one came back to the class. I guess those guys start from their places only after the bell goes and so they are always late. Priya completed her small pink lunch box and had a drink in the small 250 ml Tupperware pink bottle. I was wondering what has the colour pink to do with girls always! But never showed any signs and returned to my place and sat with my rough note open and play ‘X and O’. I would win if I feel like or draw it most times!

When I just completed a winning game, I smiled myself and started drawing a new cross. I couldn’t hear her footsteps, if at all I should have been alert a few minutes before as she was standing in front of my desk now. I looked up and closed my note book in a hurry. She smiled a little at my work but stood silent. I thought she would certainly speak something and just get away but she stood still making my place uncomfortable for me. When I just looked up again with a ‘What – Do – You – Want’ look she started,

“I don’t usually speak with guys without any proper need and in fact my friend said I don’t react this way usually”

I couldn’t get what she meant actually. With little bit of confusion I just saw her with a questioned face. A ‘React – How’ look and when I just try to start she will reply for mine!

“I mean – I never wanted to be alone. I don’t have any good friends in guys so I don’t know how well to speak with them. I don’t know what they like too!”

I could never get what she was trying to say. She was not the usual girl today – I too felt and without showing any emotions in face I just started “Why you are saying…”

She completed my sentence “all those??” I just nodded and she continued “Prasanna was a girl” and gave a long pause. I smiled involuntarily, in fact after months I would say and wanted to reply her, “you blabbered so long to say this??” but was wondering how in earth she knew that I thought ‘Prasanna’ to be a boy.

The first time I could sense a difference with her. I smiled at her and she said, “I just wanted to say this! I blabbered a lot I guess!”

She was waiting for my reply and I gained all my senses and said, “Hmmm… Well. I don’t want to ask you why you saying this to me. I know I guess!”

“Yeah. You are right!” she said and the bell rang.

 

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 08

Priya, a decent dressed modern girl, with all sorts of fun right from her birth will always lit up the classroom fun. She has a branded smile for which there were nearly huge set of followers even in juniors. The best out of her character is that she never escalates anyone to top or drops down to earth. Sometimes she would react more interesting which would definitely confuse anyone who is observing so close. May be she is the perfect of a girl kind – difficult to understand.

She is always a last bencher but never cares to sit in the same position with same buddies around. She was not the brightest of all but would maintain to be in top 5. She would never answer any questions in the class but would never fail to ask a question back when teacher asks her one. Though seem to be modern with her way of speaking and other accessories she use, she doesn’t show any kind of show off stuff.

She would never hesitate to walk up to my desk and ask me “You were watching me right?” but at the same time she will never wait for any response and just walk back. May be she wouldn’t want me to put me in an embarrassing situation! Later I came to know she don’t talk with guys without a need and I never knew what need she had when she spoke to me!

It was priya now who was asked to speak something on stage. Even the lecturer was little worried as she would take the whole time barring his class. So, he called her out first and asked to speak. She started without hesitation – may be all girls would have prepared and will always be ready. The time I was wondering but quite keen to hear from her.

She started, “Girls were not given equal rights and importance in India. Why even in our class, girls are subjected to partiality. Let us take this situation – there are 4 guys and a girl – but the staff wanted me to speak first. Why? May be he was interested in me!”

With those last words, the staff was completely taken aback and turned towards her. He was already sweating with the power cut but now sweating a little more with her speech.

She took a glance at him and continued, “Sorry. May be he was interested in hearing me speak. The fact is we have more male chauvinists who support only for guys. I dint mean you sir but in general.” She used this pause to giggle a bit and continued speaking changing her face back to normal! She would have maintained a good eye contact with everyone in the class. I never knew where she was destined in that fun filled speech. I was watching and enjoying the courage she had to speak out whatever she wants to convey.

“This has happened to me. I had a very good friend since my childhood. But my parents won’t even allow me to roam even in my hometown Tiruchirapalli!” and gave a little pause. I never knew that she was from Trichy too, in fact Tiruchirapalli now. I just don’t want to react and continued my posture staring with a pen in my hand and a rough note open. It dint surprise me much but reminded something I never wanted to remember again. I just put aside those thoughts and started listening again.

“… myself and Prasanna either in my home or…” I just turned up in a fraction with little amusement to look at her with the name ‘Prasanna’. I thought she has never had any friends who were boys but she does. I was not further interested, so started scribbling in my notebook. That doesn’t make any difference in her speech and it ended well. I dint listen actually and so I was the only one guy to clap but stopped with the first one. I thought to myself that there must be something totally witty against the crowd and staff in her speech.

  

The lunch break –

 

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 07

The vacations went on well, met all my friends and other mates. The worst feel is when you feel that you are alone with all your friends surrounding you just because you miss someone so dearly. Life seemed to be so empty after I distanced from her. I know that she was happy there but could never even enjoy her happiness anymore. I acted like a selfish stupid wanting for the everlasting peace.

The new college, new class room, new staffs and everything new but I knew very well what their purpose is. I am not excited at all. It was just a repetition for me. I was not ready to be social here and there were too many gangs of two year old friendship and they don’t want to include me either. The moment I stopped talking freely with everyone, I started enjoying the silence within me.

I don’t have any confusion within me to have a debate. Brain was intended just for studies and Heart was intended just to pump blood through the arteries and veins. It was a transformation – indeed a beautiful transformation. I enjoyed being up there with many unknowns not because I enjoy silence but it’s because I started a new practice of observing people. It was really fun watching people always. In fact, for a guy who have literally become mad of seeing the same person for years it was fun. But I have to admit that she showed many variations and was always lovable. I don’t want to dump memories anymore so that Aaradhana will never reach the bottom most part of my Heart. Still I could say – she is full!

The internals – usual practice of assessment and one of the most hated things in any college. I have never let my studies down for any cause as I do this just for my dad and I don’t want him to get disappointed. If I were an outspoken guy, people would have called me “Head – Weight” but I was silent this time so I could earn a new name “Moody - Studious”. I hate that word studious right from the beginning of my education I guess.

A month passed by, one could never separate me from my silence and I was cautious enough to fulfil what I am expected to. This was the period of solace one could expect to happen after a little settled in life – I achieved it before! I was silent within, before it all started again.

I don’t take breaks usually, so would sat in my empty desk and watch some people walking in and out. The bell rang after the interval and students were late as always. If it had happened in my old college, they would have asked to stand outside for the whole hour. But the staff forgave and allowed them in every time they came late. This time too he allowed them but with a condition – everyone was to share an unforgettable moment that happened to them. The main intention was just to make everyone speak though. Everyone in the group had their own reasons to be late. Off the 5 who were late, 4 were guys and the one was Priya.

 

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 06

“What? Principal – what have I done now?” I just said to myself and started walking towards the principal room. I could not really guess why the hell he needs to see me.

I have been asked to report to principal’s room even before this situation for at least 5 times for enquiries and around dozen times I have approached him for ‘On-Duty’ letters. I just thought of the recent enquiry for which I was suspended from college for ‘Violating college rules’ – to be perfect, am more interested in it now than before!

“Did you post anything in your blog recently?” heart shuddered.

“Hey… No… even I was confused now why he wants me at his desk now! May be they will need yet another apology!” Brain replied with much of wit.

I was in no mood to apologize again and again. I said to myself “This is the last time!” and I reached his room with utmost confidence!

Within seconds, my total confidence which I built was lost. I was little bit confused and was astounded to see my dad sitting with him and having a chat. I could just manage to smile and sit by my dad. With their conversation I could easily understand that would be my last day in this college and principal is about to sign my Transfer Certificate. My dad just woke up and thanked him and I wondered “what’s so nice he has done now for that thank you?!”

Dad turned to me and said, “Bala we have 30 more minutes for some formalities and mean time you just bid bye to all your staff and come back”

“Come back?? At least shall I come by 4:30??”

“Only an hour for that… no need, you can come along with me!” dad replied

I could not oppose him and so just nodded my head and rushed back to my class. I could never imagine that would be my last minutes in the class. The class was in complete silence with my arrival and I have no words to say either. 

Silence continued.

Finally the silence broke down and my friend started, “Machi… Escape ah!?”

I could manage just to smile with the funny words but I was sure that I should not create any scene with a tear drop. Took my bag, with all those funny comments from guys, I just started walking out of the class. I could really sense the feel of separation. It’s just two and a half years but felt like I have been together with them since birth. At last, a little silence when I was walking through the corridor. I just wanted to see her one last time. May be she will not be interested but that has never been a problem for me. I just looked and she was busy with the pencil crafting on the plywood bench. The last day for me came much earlier and no one else could feel what I felt.

Life is beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 05

“Yeah papa… always. Anything important pa??” I could just swallow up and continued.

“Hmmm… Yeah, a little serious. Are you happy with your college and your engineering progress??” he was quite destined towards something and keeping that normally.

I could easily sense the purpose and replied, “Yeah pa… it’s quite good and am doing better! What’s the matter pa??”

“I was thinking of a transfer from your college for the third year.” He finally broke down the secret and I was completely confused.

“A Transfer? I have never heard about that and what it is all about??”

“We can just change the college under the same university with your branch and I feel you need a change!”

I was little more confused and how did he feel the change I require? Whatever, I just wanted to know the exact reason behind it and waited for him to complete with a pause.

“From the next year, you need to attend the campus placements and I want you to get through with it. So, I thought of getting you a transfer in a reputed college!”

I could not answer him directly, he had a cause. I was totally baffled and stuttered, “Shall I just think and say pa?”

“Think?? About what?? Friends and new environment??” dad interrogated.

“Hmmm… yeah pa… Shall I say you tomorrow?” I pleaded.

“Take your time, I will be there within a week and we will discuss about this further!” He was quite stubborn in his final and hung up the call.

I was stunned with that plan of my dad and could not even think about that ‘further’. Was that the conversation I ever think of before? I wanted to say him my problems but he came up with solutions I guess! Was this right to follow his decision or still try to say my problem? My heart insisted to take up this time bound solution but brain always opposing it!

I know am not strong enough to leave everything and start a new beginning. I wanted to stay away from her but not with the current situation. I felt little insecurity. I could not find any reason to say my dad and started thinking a little deeper - friends, staffs and college. I could sense the love showed by everyone else to me except her but now I wanted not to leave my college just for her.

Few days later,

“Balakumaran – wanted by the principal”

 

Life is Beautiful