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This Post is just an info about my blogging routine. I have split up my blog into two languages - English and Tamil.

The English Blog will be titled - God's Own Diary
The Tamil Blog will be titled - கனவுகளும் கற்பனைகளும்

Kindly render support for both the blogs!
Without You - I am no one! Thank You!

Life Is Beautiful - 16 - Final

She started, “I knew how much you loved me and how much you cared me when am with you. When you said me about Priya, I was little worried and inquired. Also, I inquired about you in your college. All they said is ‘He is mad. He will be alone without even a smile or reaction. But towards the end of the college, he is seen smiling a lot, later started talking alone. Once he even shouted when we all were standing outside but calmed down within seconds. He would write and scribble many but everything would have only the alphabet A’. And about Priya they said, “There is no one named Priya in our class” and so she don’t exist!”

She completed and I was completely confused and said “this number?”

She spontaneously said, “My old number now with my dad and I sent you a message only after receiving that. I got your mobile now just to check it and it was the same as I thought!”

“Hey… She gave me a diary and I will show her what she wrote!” and took that diary out of my shoulder bag just to see it completely filled excepting January 1!

“I have her mail id too!” I demanded

“Are those mails sent successfully??” she replied

I was helpless; I could not mistrust her or even believe her. “Are you sure?”

“You mean to say I was mad??” I doubted myself.

She started, “I consulted a psychiatrist about this and he said you might have got obsessed with something and got something as the replacement. He called Priya to be your ‘hallucination’ and me to be your original. Doctor said that you are completely cured when you stop assuming Priya near to you. And I confirmed this when you said you could not see your Priya the day after I started talking to you. So, you are completely ok and you are back to normal!”

I looked at her puzzled. I never felt I had any such syndrome and I got cured. Aaradhana continued, “I said all this, just to show I do care for you. In fact, I love you!”

I forgot all those things she said few minutes earlier when she just said she loves me! The greatest ever feel is to be loved by the one whom you love – and it turns to be awesome when it was from your first love. I was speechless; in fact, the languages I know failed to give me any words to reply. Sometimes, its silence which speaks much important words in life.

We had our little snack and when we are supposed to leave, I gave all her little gifts I had and said, “I have missed many occasions to gift you but never will leave anything in future!”

She smiled this time and was silent. When she was about to retire, she uttered “I love you and will never leave you!” and I replied “I love you too! I have never left you since I saw you!” She smiled yet another time, this time her eyes little moist.

I boarded in my bus, when the bus started to move I said her, “Hey… completely forgot to say, I saw Priya here, just before you came. Will call you and say everything in detail! Love you! Take care! Bye!”

She started walking back slowly to her vehicle, may be a little confused state. Aaradhana took her mobile out from her purse with the beep,

#Beep#
"1 message received"
She opened, "Hi Priya, This is Bala!"


She turned towards me with her mobile in her hand. She was smiling till I said my last words but never knew why she looked stunned after I waved my hands when she turned back again. May be she would have started missing me!

Life Is Indeed Beautiful...!

Thank you all readers. I am humbled with your comments and support. Life is beautiful – Live it; Love it! Cheers!!!

Life Is Beautiful - 16 - Pre Final

She has never asked me anything since we started talking and our bond (couldn’t name the relationship!) was 6 months old as of now. So I don’t want her to get disappointed. I know a little Trichy as well and so I prepared myself and said, “I will meet you by 5 PM”

She replied, “Reallyyyyyy” with so much of excitation. I said “Yes at Sangeethas, Trichy!” She was happy with that and said, “Sure!” and hung up the call.

I got up from my bed, got ready within an hour with all those gifts I had for her for the past 4 years and took the diary I wrote about Aaradhana. Packed everything and started to Trichy by 1:30 PM.

It was exactly 5:15 PM and I was late by 15 minutes! I was little worried but she was late as well! She reached by 5:30 PM. I guess girls always come late, making guys wait – whatever I don’t want to say such things and spoil her mood!

She was still the same – with a tender face and a lovely smile. I even forgot to smile by just staring at her. We sat up in a table opposite to each other near to the flowing water screen; she was much concerned about menu card and I too but just wanted to make that waiter leave my privacy! She ordered for me and he left. 

She started, “I never knew I will miss you this much bad. I know, I have no rights to call you here. I know, you would have really felt very bad when I ignored you. But, why are you doing everything for me? Do I mean that much to you?”

I replied, “No, I owe many. I couldn’t give my love to you still. I still owe my Life to you”

It was a complete silence of 5 minutes and finally she wanted to make things normal. She asked for my mobile phone and I gave mine. “No games in it!?”

I wonder how in earth only girls look for games even in a smartphone other than its features! I replied, “I don’t have time to play them!”

She returned and suddenly asked, “You said a lot of things about Priya, right?”

I was taken back with hers. It was full of wit when she asked it and I don’t know how to react. I fumbled and finally said, “Yeah why?”

“Girls are much of possessive kind, you know? I don’t want you to have any other friend who is a girl. So I approached some of your new college class mates and enquired about Priya!”

“Ha… Ha… Ha... You could have told me that na? I would have made you both friends!”

She was much serious now and said, “Can you? Really? Have you seen Priya!?”

“Hey… She is my only friend there. I know her. She too does and Whats the doubt in it?”

She replied straight and confident, “Priya doesn’t exist!”

“What the hell? How can you say a person not to be in earth?” I could not control my temper and I know I would be looking furious.

She calmed me down and said, “Can you prove it?”

I took my mobile and showed her number, “It may be hers, or definitely her fathers. Give it a try!” I was pretty confident in that but she remained very calm and asked me to hear her for five minutes. I calmed down and had a glass of water

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 15

There was dumb silence in the other end. I slowly regained my conscious and started thinking whether I have made a blunder by proposing it in the very first call. But I persuaded that feel, “I have never felt anything other than that and so I said and nothing wrong in that!”

She was silent still and even I. I have no other words to say without her reply. The only better thing in a phone conversation is she can’t turn the other side, even if she does, I will not be able to see! The worst thing in a phone is that she runs out of my balance unknowingly with her silence!

I was happy enough that she didn’t cut my call and so I had a small ray of hope and continued, “Aaradhana? There?”

At last she broke her silence, “Yeah Bala, shall we talk something else?!”

I don’t want to press her more and I wanted to talk what all I had in all those three year memories. I am pretty sure I will never run out of topics while talking to Aaradhana coz she will have much than me!

Our conversation started with a standard ‘Am fine – You fine’ and developed through various topics of interests and finally the bond between ‘Airtel – Aircel’ was broken after 59 minutes and Rs. 29.97 paise struggle. It was 7:00 PM and we had lot more time. She too would have thought the same I guess, she called me back and it went on till 10:00 PM and again the connection was lost! I guess it was from her end this time.

She texted, “Hey, sorry. Out of balance”

I replied “No issues, text me ;)!”

It went on till I fell asleep texting her and when I woke back, I was surprised to see 16 unread messages and all from her! I replied with a ‘Gud morning’ and started for my college.

I wanted to say Priya about Aaradhana and how happy I am now. I know Priya would certainly be happy when she sees me happy. The whole class was present and even some people asked me, “You seem so happy!” I was much happy hearing that too!

But.. Priya was not there and I don’t know why!

My college got over and till that I could never see Priya again. I was little worried in college but in home I was pretty happy texting – calling – chatting with Aaradhana. I even shared everything about Priya to her, she was so jovial in taking things and she even wanted to meet her. I would have said even I wanted to meet Priya, but I don’t know how and when. Aaradhana made my holidays damn interesting with those texting and calling routine.

I never proposed Aaradhana again and so she was much comfortable with me. I don’t want to break this relationship and will love as long as it goes. I loved it that way and she too.

Few months later,

9:00 AM, August 7, 2011.

Aaradhana called me and she said, “Will you just come over here?”

“Where??”

“Trichy”

I was little silent and could not even ask her what for she is calling me. She continued, “Please, once?”

Life is Beautiful

என் உறவு - உன் நட்பு!

கவிதைகள் எழுத தலைப்புகள் குறையும் நேரம் இன்று..

வார்த்தைகள் இல்லா மௌனங்களை ரசிப்பதும் உண்டு..!

முன்னுரைகள் இல்லா முதற்காதலும் உண்டு..

முடிவுரைகள் இல்லா உறவுகளில் உன் உறவும் ஒன்று..!

Life Is Beautiful - 14

I was trembling down with more combination of feelings. I was happily confused – lovely insane – humbly proud. I felt like my Heart was pounding to its maximum without a single breath! This made me to oscillate my mind between the past and future. Every man is happy when he forgets to regret the past and avoids the fear of future. I could never imagine even those simple words out of her just intended for me! She knows it was me and yet she answered! It was all fun once again!

It was nearly a yearlong gap and she is back to me! Brain remembered something and started to speak again as well, 

“If you are confused about a thing let it go, if it comes back it’s yours, if not it never was!”

Heart was much happier to utter even a single word but this time with a little fear with Priya’s words – “You are your problem!”

I could not decide and it was quite surprising to see my Heart feeling something out of Aaradhana. But I was pretty sure, Priya wont mistake and she would be happy for me! It was a little dizzy feel when I had a small doubt, “What if Priya loves you!?”

Heart responded, “Dint you? You never thought of Aaradhana for the past six months and you want to get her out of your mind!”

Brain, “But I guess, I dint throw her out!”

Heart replied, “Then, why the hell you talked with Priya with all intentions to attract her?!”

I could not tolerate that discussion as Heart took the charge as the brain! One could never do anything without the complete support of Heart. I have had experience in convincing brain or even ignoring brain’s views but have never did that to Heart. I don’t want now too!

In a simple motive to convince, Brain started again, “What else could be the best feel when someone who ignored you for the past three years have turned towards you? What else could be the happiest moment when your first love – even not if accepts – just acknowledges?”

With a small pause which would certainly make think even ‘brainless’ Heart, Brain continued “Is that not your life defining moment, when she said, ‘Hello’?”

Brain was emotional and Heart was silent which was more than enough for me to assume am convinced. Took my mobile, just saved that number to be ‘Aaradhana’ and made my first ever call to contact ‘Aaradhana’! This time, ‘Munbe va’ seemed much melody and I felt like it was directed only towards me! The loveliest feel ever a guy could get is when you call your dear one and find a song that is perfectly matching your situation. Even if not intended for me (us) – I (we) assume!

She responded directly without even a hello, “Hey Bala, how are you!?”

I was laughing aloud within me with a silent smile outwards which she could hear through her device! I could not resist my joy and wanted to shout out louder, scream in joy, jump in air, hear a rock music and dance for it till I die out and finally I wanted to show how much I loved her!

I was busy imagining and even forgot to reply her and she continued with a pause after waiting a few seconds, “Are you there? Bala?”

I just returned back from my flying posture and replied her, “I love you Aaradhana!”

My first words for her!

 

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful - 13

I could not react nor reply for that message. I was wondering all alone at my mobile phone. “Was that really Aaradhana? Is someone playing a prank? No one close to me will do that coz they know me and they won’t play with that, and none other than my close circle knows it!”

“Is that Priya? She would have known that from the diary! But… That diary is still with me!” May be it’s not Priya. I started analysing myself and was checking the possibility of all known characters. “What if it was someone who I never knew?”

Random thoughts made my thoughts even more complex and it was clearly depicted in my face. Even my mom asked 

“Anything Wrong!” but I managed to smile and say “Everything is perfect!” I know nothing is my way now.

The 6 hours college was even harder to pass with the thoughts of Aaradhana having Priya just opposite to me. Even she was not looking ok today. I was wondering whether she knew my problem and reacting the same way I did. I even forget to wish her ‘Good Morning’ and never had even a single conversation till Lunch Break.

I just started “Hey… any problem?” but she never seemed to hear me and she was having her lunch. “Ok… leave all those problems. It will be all ok. Leave that. You want to share my lunch?” She was totally silent which was completely opposite to her character. I never knew she could be such silent. I wanted to say someone what I felt but I have no one other than her and she was not interested too. I have never experienced this kind of feeling before and I was begging her. At one point of time, I lost my temper and shouted at her “What the hell is your problem? Am I your problem?” and banged on the bench.

Some of the adjacent class people peeped through into my class; I just controlled and sat straight. There was a little murmur in the corridor and subsided again. When the bell started to ring, she turned towards me silently and said, “You Are Your Problem!”

I was much confused with that. I could not get what she said and I even pleaded her to say what she meant. She remained silent throughout. One could never guess what a girl thinks – I know. But one could never understand what a girl speaks – I just found out! I guess even Google will find it difficult to transliterate it!

I came back home with all those clumsy thoughts and still waiting for a solution. I could not be as happy as before and I wondered why my happiness is always short lived! I still did not reply for that message I received in morning. I could not either. I don’t want to talk to someone who was literally avoiding me to the extreme.

I know Aaradhana more than anyone. She addresses her to be an extrovert but she was never one. Always with her closed circle but a little more jovial than anyone could ever expect, with her usual activities, in her own group. Aaradhana would have never started a conversation rather Priya does. Aaradhana will never start a conversation with me. I was cent per cent sure about that.

Finally, I decided to reply that text message. That was an unknown number to me still but could not ask “Whos This?” so decided upon a new question “Was this real You!?” A small striking thought said me not to message because anyone can play in texts but not on call.

I decided to call. I have never called to anyone – to be inch perfect – to any girl, because I may not have enough topics to talk but ‘balance’ is main reason though! But to talk to her was once my lifetime dream, so developed thoughts to call her! Though there is 99% chance of the number not hers I still believe in my 1% luck!

I dialled 'her' (could have been ‘the’ instead of ‘her’ but I believed in luck!) number. It was ‘Munbe va… En anbe vaa…!’ – a perfect Shreya Goshal number – but was harshly interrupted with Aircel’s dull IVR saying “The number is Busy”.

I was not in any mood to give up. I convinced myself saying that she could have wrongly pressed the key and tried again. Once again she cut the call and I was frustrated. I could not tolerate more than this and decided to call until she picks up.

In my third try I could not enjoy the Shreaya’s voice and I bet everyone would be frustrated to hear the same voice again and again. When I was just about to give up, a much beautiful voice said ‘Hello’ and this time I cut the call.

It was once my most cherished melody, a beautiful music and a symphony in God’s art gallery – it was Aaradhana at the other end – God are you crazy again?!

 

Life is Beautiful