A Usual Day, 2018. Bangalore
God,
I really wonder how
people pull it off for more than 25 years. It’s really tough and they are doing
something very tough to pull it off, I know. But how they proceed, I don’t
know! Is this life not boring?
Doing always the same
thing? Getting up, rushing up to office, looking the system time and your
watch’s time every 5 minutes, same stupid food but increase in bills every
month, staring at Google’s search results, staring at your mobile, counting how
many days left in this week, then how many days left in the month for the
salary, usual traffic and usual dinner. Day is done.
When weekdays are this
bore, weekends are much more! Getting up at 11, going out for lunch, paying
more than what we usually do for what we usually have, sleep and day is done.
If you plan for some trip or outing, everybody starts enthusiastic, but nobody
turns up. This happens every month. E-V-E-R-Y fucking month!
I miss my home, mom’s
food, my time with friends, my hometown, the time I play, the time I spent
reading, the time I laughed, the moments that stay with me forever and the
worst thing is that I miss them all for money! How sick is that? You understand
right?
This is my problem. I
don’t find anything interesting to live in this world and I miss everything
interesting. Whoever I love to talk won’t talk to me, whoever I find
interesting finds me stupid and so I end up being alone always. I don’t expect,
I don’t dream, I don’t want to reach great heights and I don’t find any purpose
in this life. Please, don’t advise me to marry and spoil one another’s life. I
have no special reasons/persons to live anymore. So kindly kill me, please no
violence, a gentle death in the sleep.
I have already pulled
off 28 years now. Please, I can't continue to live like this any more. So
please, God, Are you really reading what I write? I know you will be. Please do
something!
Thanks in advance,
Bala
Penned a
letter, folded it and kept it safe between the table and paper weight and I
don’t exactly remember when I slept off. I share a two bedroom flat with one
poor guy sharing the house. I moved in here after most of my UG friends got
along with their lives and jobs. I wanted a private room and lot of private
time so as my roommate. We are just ‘hi – bye’ friends who talk only on the day
of salary to share the house rent and sometimes to pick up food for each other.
This is my life, at least for the past 4 years.
The room is
always neat except for the corners where the wires were clustered and look
messy. It was a 10X12 room, with a little darker shade of creamy mint green
with only two shelves, a large mirror, a laptop and a few mobile phones on a
single foldable bed and few pillows at one side, a small writing table on the
other side and a lot of empty wall. The wall had Gautama Buddha in a meditating
posture on one end and on the opposite side a huge Chelsea club crest poster.
I woke up from the bed a little tired than usual. Checked my
mobile for the time, it showed 9:25. ‘It’s late!’ I told to myself and wondered
‘9 full hours, that’s something new!’ and stumbled a bit while rushing up from
bed to get ready.
After I joined the company, I enjoyed my life as much as I
could for first 3 months, since then I keep telling myself that I enjoy life
and work. If you plot my timeline of enthusiasm since childhood, it must be a
deep dive closing in zero in the last 4 years except for a few spikes here and
there. Sleep of 9 hours is something near to an achievement for me on weekdays
as I hardly sleep before 1 AM.
Took very less time than I ever would and got ready, checked
my mobile, purse and ID card and finally started from home. It was 10:30 AM.
Staying in the cubicle is much better than entering late to
a meeting. You can avoid that boring lecture on time management! Till then it
didn’t strike me, what if God is real and I die as I wrote in that letter? Will
I be doing this stupid job if it is going to be my last week? Hell, No! Mind
acted quickly and…
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