7 Days of May - 06

I could not stand losing her again. I was scared whether something had happened to her or someone had kidnapped her overnight. I kept calling her number repeatedly. It was already mid-day when I was running tired around the small town. Except for the stream and a Buddhist monastery there was nothing much in the town. Searched for Mitu or anyone who can help me, but nobody had a clue who Mitu was. I remember her mentioning Tawang and I started enquiring about as how to reach Tawang. Struggled with the locals and their language and finally found that I am in Dirang and not in Bomdila. Booked another shared cab to Tawang from Dirang.

 I had a strong belief nothing bad would have happened to her and at the same time very much confused as why would she go just like that. I was replaying our whole conversation last night in my head to find whether I spoke something which had hurt her. I could not convince myself with anything. The cab journey was hell with all those thoughts on my mind. We were crossing the Sela Pass and the driver, whom I did not care to ask his name, stopped for a short break.

There was a huge lake half - frozen just next to the pass. It was freezing cold as we move up the altitude. I have always wanted to drive through this pass but here I am standing with a heavy heart. I could not enjoy the moment or the views.

I dialed her number again and this time it connected. She picked up and said “Hello”. A thousand question suggestions came to my brain still I stayed silent. She did not speak too. I have lived long enough without talking to her, but these 12 hours broke me from inside more than those 5 years.

“Why?” I asked with a lump in my throat.

“That’s how I felt 5 years back. I could not do this for 12 hours straight and how did you do this for 5 years? I know you, at least I thought I knew you then. Did you even think about me for a moment? Anyway, I did not want to disrupt your plans!”. Her words always had an impact. This time a little more than ever. I could not answer to any of that.

“You never answer. Do you? Ok. We are even now. Friends?” I tried to switch topics and bring us back together. She smiled, and I could sense it miles apart. That’s the beauty of, well – okay Friendship, right?

“No. I still have 5 years 26 days and 12 hours!”, she responded jokingly. I checked the time and thought to myself – ‘I may have lot lesser than that!’

“Whatt! You had count? And, you never say ‘Yes’! By the way, where are you now?” I asked her and continued my travel towards Tawang.

“Well, see you tonight!” She said and hung up. I was happy. Happiness is a weird thing – you can be happy for anything - a great meal, a beach, a bike ride, a sunset, a quote, a song, a good friend, a voice or even India winning the world cup. But the real happiness is when you are happy for yourself. Nothing can beat that feel of satisfaction and happiness when you feel light. I felt that, for a brief moment and then my stomach started crying for food. It’s been nearly a day since I had anything to eat – I opened a snicker bar!

Love is the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle - you can never force fit!

7 Days of May - 05

The ten-person shared cab journey from Tezpur to Bomdila was a mess except for the fact that I was sitting next to Aarushya. Through the mountainous terrain and beautiful scenic passes of Arunachal Pradesh, one of the largest states in India, Mitu (the cab driver) reached on his schedule but way beyond ours.

Wearing my good for nothing jacket and keeping my hands tightly inside the pockets, “Have you booked a room?” I enquired her.

“WHATT! I don’t even know something like Bodmila existed before you told me. I was planning to go to Tawang and have planned and booked everything there!”, she told with a huge surprise.

“Bomdila”, I corrected her.

“As-if! Huhhh!”, she took a deep breath and composed herself and continued, “You are such a terrible planner!”

The only thing I did not tell her was the letter and why I decided to travel here. I had zero plans and a sense of fear started to creep through my body with the cold winds blowing on my face. I stood there saying nothing. Her face was shining with the soon to be full moon with a constant rustling sound of river and tiny insects sounds gave a wave of scare. My stare was interrupted by Mitu asking me “Rooms----- book-----”. I said “yes” without knowing what those words he spoke between ‘Rooms’ and ‘Book’. He quickly dialed a guy and started to speak something. An unusual intuition kicked me from inside and I signaled her to listen to their conversation.

After disconnecting the call, Mitu walked towards the only opened tea shop in that road and started talking with him.

“What did he speak on the phone?” I hurriedly asked her to sense the situation. She was so calm and cool and responded “I don’t know. You should have…”

“What? You know Hindi right? I know I did not plan the trip and I did not book anything. Also, I did not plan to meet you here. Why can’t you just listen to that conversation for a moment”, I cut her midway and tried to show my disappointment without raising the voice.

“Hahaha! I know Hindi and I know you don’t know Hindi. Also, I know he was not speaking Hindi on Phone!”, she told casually and smirked.

Apparently, they were speaking a local dialect and I was on the verge of losing my temper for a moment for nothing. I could not think clearly or understand what is happening around. Only thing I did not do was shout instead I kept my mouth shut. It was scarier than the day before because of increased responsibility. If I tell her this, she will start with “Why do you feel responsible. I am on my own! Blah. Blah. Blah.”. On that moment someone started inside my head “If it was your last week…” and was promptly disturbed by Mitu.

“Sir... Rooms------------------“, he said, and I had no other choice other than to look at her for translation. She replied him something and in the next 30 minutes we both were inside a small house with two tiny rooms and comforters. We paid him off and thanked him for the help. I slipped him a snicker bar into his hands and wished him ‘Good night’. In the next few minutes we exchanged smiles and I slipped into the fluffy comforter.

“Good Night :)”, a text message beep and I smiled to myself. I remembered her telling me once that she will never sleep without wishing a good night to me. I guess she never slept for 5 years!

I woke up a little late in the morning and looked through the window. The clear blue skies complementing the green mountains and a river melted from the distant glaciers glittering with golden sun streaks made an absolute view. Went out of my tiny room in to the main hall to look for her and plan the rest of the day. Looked around and all the doors were left open. Hurriedly looked at my mobile phone – no text or calls from her. Her bags were gone and so is she!

I dialed her number and an automated voice responded that she is out of reach!

People are never meant to be the ‘constants’ in anyone’s life. It’s always the feel they made you feel!

7 Days of May - 04

Before I started to turn and run away from the moment, I guess I kept staring a little longer and gave her the time to notice me. As soon as she started walking towards me with the confused look, I started searching for something to stare at and walk away from the place. I failed, and she stood there, right in front of me.

“What are you doing here?” with a totally puzzled look and the voice showing more of a concern than the surprise.

It’s been 5 years since I have heard her and plus one day since I have seen her. I was equally surprised seeing her at that moment. That’s the only sentence I could frame at that moment, and she stole it from me, right before I could react.

I stood silent - the longest 30 seconds of my life. She broke the silence again with a much simpler question and a lot calmer – “How are you? What were you doing all these years?”

She is full of questions, I thought. “I’m – I’m good!” I said bluntly. That’s how we are trained, right? How good or bad you may feel but when someone asks you, you always respond that you are fine.

“You are seeing me after years and this is the level of enthusiasm you show? Ok anyway. Where are you traveling to?” within moments she looked upset, but I could sense she was trying hard to stay calm.

I have known her for a long time since college and the initial couple of years into work. I have not spoken to her in college. We both got into the same company and the same joining date at Bangalore. When nobody was there on the first day at work – We had no choice other than to keep company. It’s a roller coaster 3 years where we grew from acquaintance to just friends to best friends. I would say a little more than best friend and she would always deny it. And, then it all changed overnight when she said her parents are looking for a groom for her to get married.

“Ahmm.. Bom-di-la, may be Dir-an..” before I could complete the sentence, she started walking back to one of the agents and spoke something. She came back after minutes of discussions with the travel agent and told me “Next cab is at 5:30 PM”.

The next one hour she was full of questions and I could hardly answer any. I was silent most of the time. Actually, I was trying to process the fact that she is sitting next to me and talking to me – for real, after years. Maybe, I am still staring.

“How are you?” I asked her. She smiled, the same smile after all. We just sat by the Brahmaputra river and staring the majestic river flowing with full power. This should have been Brahmaputra sea – I thought. She broke the silence again with the same question.

“What are you doing here? How are you?” She never answers the questions with answers but questions. We got into the shared cab and I started talking.

“I switched companies. Changed rooms. Changed numbers. I did not have anyone to share cooked food anymore, so started going to restaurants. Ate my lunches and dinners - alone - staring at a wall. I started traveling alone – I got the window seats by the way, took our... my bike – to Ladakh and every single state I could think of. Fractured bones – right hand and people advised not to drive bike again. Clearly nobody had any influence over my decisions after you were gone and rode my bike again to Ladakh. I kept changing the areas and companies again for every street we walked and every food joint we ate kept reminding me about you. But, could never run away from my thoughts. I know I missed you every moment but what other choice did I have?”

She looked at me keener as if she is getting into my brain and validating the statements. Moments later she started fuming, “You fractured your hand? You think I will be sympathetic with that summary of yours? Don’t talk. You did not even care to make a call? Not even a text message?” 

I was wondering did she even hear anything after my fracture – particularly the sentences that had ‘you’. In the next 4 hours of journey – she learnt everything about me. I felt I am still at the same point – I just knew she is fine and nothing else about her in the past 5 years. It was well past midnight 1:30 AM, Bomdila – it was complete dark and freezing cold.

It is always believed that everything will be alright the next day. But you still got to survive through the night!

7 Days of May - 03

Landed at Guwahati airport and felt like I have been drugged and kidnapped in the flight. Now along with fear, a lot of questions started echoing in my ears. The airport was compact and in no-time I was stranded on the huge parking lot with my backpack. A lot of taxiwalas kept buzzing around me with loud noises of ‘Ma ka temple’, ‘ISBT’, ‘Rooms’, ‘Majuili’, ‘Kaziranga’.

I kept reading about how to reach, where to stay and the transportation options for Sela Pass. But when someone shouted ‘Kaziranga’, my immediate thought was ‘Let’s do this!’.

I stood there holding my bag tightly with a hope to find a taxi driver who can communicate with me. I am from a place down south of Tamil Nadu and thanks to my forefathers – I know only Tamil and English. After 30 minutes of careful watch, chose a guy and went with him to his car – of course he is the cheapest. He took my bag, locked it in the boot and before I ask him ‘How much time Bhaiyya?’, he vanished, and I am in the car with 2 other strangers.

After a long wait of another 30 minutes which seemed to me like a year with all my thoughts of life and death, he came with another two strangers. I could sense from the situation that this must be a shared cab and he is asking us to adjust. Thanks to my heavy built – with layers of fat – I am voted unanimously to move to the front seat with the driver.

It took 40 minutes to reach ISBT, Guwahati. From the broken English of driver, I guess this must be the place where I should be taking the bus to Kaziranga. A guy literally held my hands and took me to a counter, made me pay, gave me the ticket and told ‘Bus 1 hour come’. I sat right next to the counter and kept staring at the ticket and the bus terminal. It was a busy terminal with small shops around (got some snacks) and a whole lot of buses were going to either Tezpur or Shillong.

After an hour and half, boarded the bus and the conductor asked for the slip. He gave me another in return which read K-O-H-O-R-O.

“Kaziranga, Bhaiyya”, I told him and kept a puppy face at him. From the minimum conversation I had, it was very evident for him that I know one Hindi word – “Bhaiyya”. He told a very lengthy sentence and finally signaled me to get in and sit. I reached Kohoro by 5:30 PM, it was pitch dark.

My initial plan was to finish the evening safari and reach back to Tezpur by night. More than the darkness, being alone scared me. I am stranded in the middle of a small town full of shops and a lot of crowd. I know it’s totally absurd to ask for a possible forest safari at this time and started to enquire about the stay options available.

Its 2 hours since I started searching for an accommodation, I ended up where I started. Standing still in the middle which is getting colder by every minute with a range of emotions rushing through my heart. The fear which was initially a small thread now has woven a blanket with time and covered me over without a streak of light.

That moment, that moment made me mad. I screamed inside my mind. I blamed every single decision I took – the trip, the driver, the airport, the ISBT and I was so much frustrated that I had no control on what was happening.

The next few minutes were nothing less than a miracle. A guy came towards me and asked me if I would be happy to take a small room in a government guest house and I nodded yes involuntarily. I learned that he is Bitu, care taker at the guest house and his family lived with him there. They cooked me a meal and gave me a small bed with a mosquito net. I kept thinking about who to thank for being so fortunate and that one hand that always holds you from falling. I never know when I slept.

The next morning first half went in a jiffy witnessing the one horned rhinoceros at the Kaziranga national park safari. I never had a chance to meet Bitu next morning when I reached back to room. ‘Thank God! he is not here. I would have messed up my thanks with broken words!’ I thought to myself and with a heartful of gratitude took my bag, left the keys at the table and started to the bus stop. On a second thought, walked back to the room where I kept the keys and placed a note that read ‘Thank you’ and a snicker bar. That moment – I felt happiness.

A sense of calmness ran through the 4-hour journey and reached the empty Tezpur bus stand. As I found no buses but only a few ‘agents’ shouting names of places, grabbed a packet of biscuit and sat on one of the sit outs close to a pillar. Some distant conversation from behind brought me back to senses and my goal of traveling to Bomdila came alive again. As I started to walk towards the agent, I noticed a girl with a backpack talking to him. My heart won the race with my brain to process the fact and started to beat faster than ever. With all the memories rushing through my senses, I stood there still – possibly staring at her. I have lived my best days with her. She is Aarushya.

Is this how life works? Crushes your hope and pushes you hard enough that you badly want to quit but always gives a reason to come back stronger!