Letters with Love - 04

April 23, 2012

Whenever I feel like talking to you, I could just call. But I stop with an unusual emptiness and a question ‘What if you think am disturbing you?’ for a moment, think and start writing. I really wonder how I got this habit of writing letters! Might be you think otherwise. I always get a feel to converse without a solid topic, so I may stumble after I call you. It’s always better to write than to make a wrong conversation – I feel.

Morning roads were little busy as I rush towards the office. Even with an hour delay, I never cared to add one more minute staring and smiling at the pathway where you would wait for me in the evening!

When I entered my office floor, there was no one. It’s usual and happens every day for me, but today I felt how it would be if you were here! I have never got a call to my desk phone, but today it rang – I wonder why I thought it could be you for a moment before I picked it up!

Opened my mailbox, zero unread mails it said. Suddenly received a mail from a friend – not you, the first thing I noted was your name and I wonder what's there just magical to make me feel happy. Those are days, when I miss you completely but don’t call/ text since morning waiting for you to initiate. Later I would be initiating first, with a thought I have missed out a complete day at last!

Sometimes I feel why I am missing you the most even when I meet you often. Later, I console myself as it would be the case after a few years! Now I just wanted to say you a thing, may be this is not worth the call. ‘When you really think of someone the whole day, you miss them and you relate everything you see with them!’ When I say this, you may feel you could have heard that somewhere else – that’s why I write!

Letters with Love - 03

April 18, 2012

I write letters for – I can read them twice/edit/delete or even leave it as such un-posted after writing it. Also for, I remember things that are not meant to be said and forget things that I have already said.

I usually don’t mind when I don’t receive a ‘Good Morning’ text from you but you send them on certain days – I wonder how you choose the days I need you the most.

When you purposefully talk about a guy, sometimes I feel possessive and turn silent. You know the cause but still ask ‘What's wrong?’ raising your eyebrow, I would prefer a smile to a word! Later you would talk about us with a reply smile and I realize. I enjoy teasing you with guys – whom you hate, but I ever wonder I would get a chance to tease you with me for you will never hate!

When you ask me something that starts with ‘You remember that day…’ I usually say ‘no’ involuntarily, though I remember. You know why? I just want to hear from you, the way you remembered! But, when I blabber, which I usually do, you turn away. I would say ‘React’, then you smile – I love. When you say something, I usually hear, still I ask you ‘Say again…’ just to hear you say ‘Nothing. Leave!’

I usually group my friends in two ways, one – ‘you’ and the other – ‘not you’ as you always stay special. I always wanted to say your friends that I know you more than them, but I feel it would be awesome if you feel it rather them!

I call you even if I have nothing to say, just because I believe I have someone to hear! Though we are comfortable with the call, I love a text from you as I can cherish them long. For the end is not so far, I know you mean more than a friend but still I stick to it – for that it lasts long! With the word ‘Friend’ – you can’t ask me who is the ‘you’ you mean here, as I always get ‘you’ as the answer everywhere!

Letters with Love - 02

April 4, 2012

I never had a crush over you, but when you said ‘it’s just a crush. Leave behind and walk further’ cheering me up when I thought I had a love failure – I think I had a crush. I have never stared at you, but when you said ‘Don’t worry. I will never leave you!’ when I was down – I saw you a little longer – possibly I stared. I don’t remember smiling to myself, but when I read your text ‘I will be there to disturb you forever!’ – I did smile to myself.

I never cared what I wear till you once noticed and commented on my shirt – but since then I dress a little perfect and would expect you to compliment but you never did. When we abruptly stop and have nothing to say more, you usually say – ‘Ok… See you later… bye’ – but then I wanted to hold you back just to stare. I never looked back while walking away after we meet – but I did once when you too turned back – but then I ever turn back, you never did. May be you did, but at the wrong time.

I have never felt anything different over ages, but when you said you love someone else – I felt why I am not that one. I never talk to anyone else the way I do to you, but when you said that you have one more friend like me – I hated the word ‘like’, even then not you!

I never wanted you to love me, but it would be the best thing that has ever happened on Earth. I never loved you either, but when someone asks me whether I love you – I prefer ‘I don’t know’ to ‘No’. Till then, I have never lied, but whenever you ask ‘Are you ok?’ I usually say, ‘yes’ since then!

Don’t ask me who the girl is – obviously I would say “It’s you!”

Don’t ask me who the guy is – obviously I would say “It’s me!”

Letters With Love: 01

28th April 2012

It’s more than a year since we met.
Lots of things happened in the year, as per your wish and against mine. You would call it ‘God’s’ grace and I would gladly accept it. I could have written you earlier but I wonder why now? May be God’s grace again, as you would say!

I usually have a feel that I own you. Not in the wrong sense, I just feel no one has the right to even write about you other than me. You are no celebrity to deny that!

I have friend(s) to share, a love to care and a family that anyone would be jealous of– this could mean I have moved on, but still I hold a place in my heart no one could ever replace. I wish am there with you as you are 'in' me - I don't care, anymore!

I really don't have any feel towards you now except that a small tinge of happiness when I see/hear something that remembers you. Now its getting much reduced, coz I don't really care! You still wonder, why I write then? You forgot? God's Grace! 
 
You were a dream in my life and so I ever cherish the sleep! Not practical to live with you in the distant land, but good enough to sleep in the day to catch you in your dream land! But sometimes, I do think, if I have known you better, we would have shared the same time zone forever!

Once I thought, if I never see you- I could easily get over you. But later I realized, it’s similar to omitting a character completely from the English alphabet or erasing a number from Fibonacci series! I could have missed you, but I have never - I will never, I could never! Better people walk in and walk out, best people stay – you know who you are to me!

I don’t have a countdown to meet you as I am not sure of the end, I trust counting forward for I have always gained a little more confidence in life with every day added!

May be you miss being here, even if not with me. But I would have missed being with you even if you were here! The words you spoke – I hear, the gestures you show – I fear, the corridor you walked – I stare, now am here where I met you last – standing still. I wait. I still wait for your ‘bye forever’.

Straight from my Trash

People often miss something out searching for something better. The something they miss out must be the something better for someone else. Everyone tends to get the best thing out for themselves. This is universal and is widely accepted for all the material case – as we tend to forget and move on. We lack experience and so we follow the best to choose attitude with everything – even with people. That is worse.

What is there being worse? What is there in choosing the best? You may answer – ‘After all it’s my life. I am living it my way’. Here we say so near equal to Bon Jovi only because we forget there is more Life involved in one Life! Starting from the toy, cricket bat (may be a doll for a girl :P), cycle in primary – taller (Hair for a girl), stronger (Dad for a girl) in secondary – Nice robes, hair style, being attractive in High school – gang of friends, fun in college and finally Life in Life. We are used to this kind of attitude since childhood – we never enjoy what we have.

Ok. I hear lots of voices asking reasons for such huge non-stop blabbering (Don’t say I dint say so. I heard my own!). So, getting back to the topic – oh, wait we dint come to the topic yet.

So, people don’t know to decide and be content with what they have. Is that really the problem? This is the problem, but it’s not little specific and seems vague. Confining this to a particular point (rather the most interesting point) – Love. A small doubt, which is more interesting? Love or Friendship?

Ok. It’s complicated. I think we have confined the topic to a level which is discussed umpteen times. So, we will elaborate our topic to understand a little clear, better and finer. It could be – ‘Relationship’. Here I don’t mean anything related to homosexuals, it is purely a guy-girl thing!

When does this guy-girl thing start? It is well known that it won’t start at the same time for guy and a girl. I have very little knowledge about girls, so this one is again a perspective from a guy. This is not a story – so don’t expect fancy details of girls and over reacting ‘me’!

I warn you – this could be boring!