Letters With Love - 08

People ask me, ‘Don’t you love her? Why don’t you just accept that?’ I usually smile at their ignorance. But the real question here is, how can I call it just love if it was more than the word itself? A feel is worth more than just a combination of vowels and consonants – I feel.

When I travel alone, it is little difficult to look outside the windows – you know why? Not that I expect you somewhere out but I remember and relate simple things with you and I lose control of what is real around me. Even then, I sometimes caught hold of things which would interest you and imagine how you would have reacted if you were here. I do imagine them even when you are around me, but I love the surprises you give me every time with your reactions!

So I stopped staring outside and started looking into my mobile always. While going through the photos in my mobile I stop at certain – you know where? Maybe sometimes a quote you loved or most times it’s you.

I remember those days, when I just don’t feel like working, I call you up, talk and smile a little and get back to work. But now I prefer distracting myself to work more but you know, whenever I stop – I still think of you!

It may be easy to move on than holding on to it, but I love striving any harder just to hold you on. I really don’t know what is the real meaning for the phrase ‘miss you’ – but whenever someone ask “You look like missing someone always, don’t you?” I get your face flashing with a smile – bringing a little smile over my face and I reply – “Always? It’s just sometimes!”

You always reduced your time with me as you wished me to spend more time with others. But do you know when I don’t talk to you – I don’t talk to anyone. I never wanted to ease the time but it happened naturally now and I feel lonely than ever without you here!

Sometimes I just talk alone, just like I write – may be people call it psychic, but you know why I do that still? I feel words travel far and somehow I believe you hear!

Letters with Love - 07

One day, I thought I could give up writing diary every night. Later, I really gave up and started writing letters. You know, I don’t feel any difference as I always write about you and am still doing it!

Sometimes I don’t get courage to post them to you in person, even to say that I have written about you. But 3/100 people guess them right. You have never made it into the 3 even once. But I know, somehow and some day you will feel every letter is written to you and only you.

There are days, when I feel nothing happened to share with you. But there are other days, I even made up and do things just as I can share them with you!

Sometimes, I get bored and start reading something – even these letters which reminds me of the best part of my life – I could simplify this line with just ‘You’ – your face flashes in my mobile screen! Trust me, it happened thrice in last two days!

Sometimes you feel for someone else more, sometimes you would plan out with someone else, and sometimes you even forget to smile when not in mood. You guess which hurt me? Obviously all the three but the last one little more! Whenever you are not ok, somehow I know. Those are days I send you lots of texts rather call, you know why? I don’t have the courage to talk to you without you smiling!

 When you ask me ‘Shall I wait or leave’, I always wanted you to wait, but I would say ‘No problem. You leave, another 15 minutes for me’. You reply after 15 minutes, ‘Now?’ and I would ever love – as the end of the day is always sweet!

May be even this letter too will run out in length even without a single thought, but you know why I write still? I don’t have any other thoughts other than you when I write – I just love the feel of Life full of You.

Letters with Love - 06

We have walked together holding hands in life so far, but now there comes the day of separation. I stand resist moving further, holding your hands still. But time moved and it’s the time we should move further.

Some days, I sit blank with nothing to think. But today was not such day – I was thinking how it would be after 10 years. We would have moved deeper in our own ways, you have a life – I have mine. We may think we shared one 10 years back.

I would never stare my mobile screen past 10 and your name would never appear flashing suddenly bringing a grin over my face.  Our calls may start ‘Hey… How are you?’ and end with ‘Keep in touch’ which we never have heard saying each other. Earlier, a day without a call ended in a long call at night fighting over reasons. But there are many such days, still we stay comfortable.

Your silence will never be your off mood anymore and even if it was, I may not know. I would never be able to read what you think exactly as you would have someone else to read you perfectly. I wonder whether I could have a chance to say what you think even!

When I call you after a long break from a different number, you could even forget my voice and ask ‘May I know who is this?’ and I say something that remembers you the past – you turn silent for a moment and then smile. When I call you, If it says ‘Call Waiting’ I would never feel anything more than you are busy and would never call you back till you return my call!

We may remember the tiny moments we meet the tiny calls which made huge sense, really small texts which would define our moods and time we spent waiting for a minute talk. We can just remember them but no longer live them!

We would never meet without prior plans, we would never call without festivals and we would never talk without needs but still when someone asks we would ever say ‘We are Best Friends ever!’ I would promise, even if I am not in touch – I would ever write but will remain un-posted as always!

Letters with Love - 05

April 24, 2012

There are days,

I would say ‘I want to enjoy being alone’ and you would hang up the call. But later I would feel life would be much beautiful if it was about you and me alone!

You cry for silly reasons – I would talk for hours to make you normal, and then I feel like holding you close and say you everything will be fine soon but I usually won’t. I want you by my side when I feel low but would never let you know as you would feel much.

When we meet and you hold my hand for relatively a longer time, I would feel no difference as you say that time. But later after you leave, I would smile blankly looking into my hands!

I talk about others who I care other than you, not for I wanted to show I care you less but to show you there is always a life beyond! I show up as I don’t care when you talk about guys other than me, but really I do.

I sleep texting you, sometimes I wake up suddenly and feel like replying you back. But would stop myself as if I do once, you would expect a reply and stay awake all nights! You say ‘I love you’, it’s really harder to hold back my love for you, but I prefer being silent saving them back to show you them rather just saying it!

You use one word to reply in a text, I could have called you and sorted out the problem but I always feel its better if you yourself understand and comeback. I doubt whether you understood every time but you have came back always – I love!

When we have a problem, I usually shout at you ‘What the hell you want me to do?’ you would calmly respond ‘I want to be with you!’, then I would realize and smile feeling how lucky I am!

I feel you love me more, but I wanted to say – there are days when I do love you more!